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| From YS |
| Hi there. well...i remember when i was in primary and in secondary school, i'm attracted to guys, especially their butt. haha..in primary i didnt think abt my sexual attractions and i thought i was straight. it was until in secondary school when i started to realise that i REALLY like guys,and was when i fall into depression and confusion. it was like "man..what happened to me?" and i force myself to think that i'm straight and download porn and try to fantasize the female party(but however i was always looking at the male instead). i got tired...and so i watch what really excites me which is-gay porn. i started to realise my sexual attractions when i'm really in love with this guy, and i think about him 24/7. i secretly liked him for two years, which were the time when we were in the same class and when i got to know him in secondary school. then slowly i ask some gay qns like "hey what does christianity says about homesexuals?" and he didnt like to talk about it. soon i realise that he's a homophobe and i knew if i still want to be friends with him i should not tell him that i like him. i cried in my quilt sometimes and i pray to god to change me and hope that one day i will not like guys...i really like him alot. so i tried not to contact him or go out him and just try not to see him,in the hope that i will forget him. juz recently i've made it,and it took damn long...haha..luckily i have a female friend who's open and always there to talk to me when i'm down.i came out to her last year and she's very cool with it.i was quite suprised.i came out to her becuz she told me she has a gay cousin and she's ok with that. on some occasion i asked some of my male friends, "hey what if i'm gay?", in a joking manner(when they talk about homosexual things,usually negative comments) and they said " we know u are straight. dnt joke!" i've not come out to my family yet and i dnt know when will i have the courage to tell them.my friends has always ask me to look for a gf all these years and i've always reply them with " i've no particular likes for any gal yet". i found this website and den i realise there's so many ppl out there who face the same problem as i or even worse,and gradually i started to accept who i am and now i'm writing my own. |